Every few weeks I like to have REVOLVE! Discussion Nights. These nights are great for a couple of reasons:
- It gives our teens a great platform to express themselves by their questions...
- It gives me an opportunity to sort-of gauge where they are in their thought processes concerning spiritual issues and living...
With the world gone mad and pumping all sorts of secular ideology down their throats, it's important to see how they respond to issues that the world has no moral problems with. I open these discussion nights with a few ground rules of limiting side conversations so everyone can hear clearly; and no one can attack anyone for their questions. I also ask for serious questions... this used to be a
problem when Joseph Pierson was in the youth... as a youth asking the questions!
LOL! He had some dusies!
I also ask our student leaders to not attack or be confrontational at a student's response, even when way off base. I let them know that it's my job to steer them toward the truth without belittling their opinions or stifling their freedom to express themselves. It's important that they perceive that they have a voice and that our group is a safe place to express their questions. This helps to get doubts and questions out into the open to be corrected or questioned in gentleness and truth and love.
If you have questions on these rules, etc., then please don't hesitate to ask or post a comment. If you are wondering about something, chances are that others are wondering as well.
Last nights discussion question was raised by a guy in the youth group, and yes, of course, it centered around
lust and when lust becomes sin in ones heart. This is the typical question that guys ask... wonder why? It was the same questions I would be asking when I was their ages, but never had a comfortable place to ask the question when I was a teen in youth groups. The churches I came from usually featured my mother or aunt as our leader... not exactly a comfortable situation to be asking that question in front of the few friends present. I think it speaks well that our teens feel comfortable to ask these sensitive types of questions in a large group setting.
My philosophy on answering questions of this nature is to use extreme caution with real truth. Our group is so mixed in age and gender that I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable... especially our parents. It is also my philosophy that youth ministry should be a tool for parents, but is never to be the parent. And, what I mean by that is that if your kid asks me a question about some rule you as a parent has made - even if I think it's a ridiculous rule - the teen is never going to know that's my opinion. I always back the parent! (unless of course the parent advocates
sacrificing animals, then I just call the local Humane Society!) Of course, I'm kidding, but I want to be a partner with the parent and uphold their authority - every time. Regardless of what I think about the way one does their parenting.
Here's the way I handled last night's discussion. I first of all addressed - since this was referenced - what Christ meant when he said lust in the heart is the same as committing the act. My question to them was, "Is lust a sin?" The reactions were mixed... some said yes, some said no, but neither were completely sure. I then began to tell them why Christ was even addressing this. Dealing with Jews and their legalism over following the law to every
minute detail, Christ gave them an object lesson that hit close to home. Even though these Jews weren't out having affairs, Christ said to lust after a woman is the same as committing the act of
adultery. (I kept the terminology very light and gender sensitive and age appropriate.) I also explained to them how the law said that murder is a sin, but Christ went further to tell them that to hate your brother is to be guilty of murder. Christ was illustrating the point that you can do the right actions on the outside, but the heart can be corrupt on the inside. I also shared the verse from James that says, "When lust is conceived it brings forth sin and when sin is accomplished it brings about death."
Then to answer my initial question I explained to them the biblical concept of lust. Lust isn't necessarily a sin such as murder or theft; it's an
appetite that must be managed in holiness and has parameters. Spouses lust for one another all the time. This is a healthy lust that properly managed in a marital relationship makes marriage really great. It has the same
connotation of God being jealous over His people. God isn't being sinful in His jealousy, but just as anger isn't a sin it can breed sin very quickly. Lust fits into this same category.
We then talked about managing lust, which means to not put wicked things before our eyes and to not exploit our flesh with watching unsavory, ungodly things on television and on the internet. Because lustful temptation can quickly turn into sin in the heart once the thoughts are dwelt on and fantasized. This lead to further questions about is being tempted a sin, etc. I explained to them that temptation is unavoidable. Every person will be tempted at any given point to do things that are sinful so as long as we posses a fleshly body. Our flesh is at constant war with God's Spirit that is within us. Temptation is unavoidable, but what
is avoidable is fulfilling those temptations whether wefulfill them physically or mentally.
This is basically the nature of the conversation and the total conversation last about 20 minutes. We ran out of time quickly. I believe this was a positive conversation because they got to also hear the truth that Christ promises that there is no temptation that we will experience that God won't make a way to escape it. We
can live strong, holy lives in a world that praises sexual conquests and bombards them/us daily with these types of images and messages. They were encouraged to protect themselves in what they watch by not watching things that are sinful and exploit their weaknesses. Even so, the raging hormones they face will continue to baffle them, confuse them and challenge them in their pursuance of right living.
As a parent, I encourage you to be involved with the questions and challenges your child faces in these "awkward" years. There's no need to instill fear, but a healthy understanding of the ramifications and consequences of lust and sexual activity, coupled with - and strongly enforced - a deep sense of victory, grace and forgiveness through Christ will help them weather these years and become strong, healthy disciples of Christ.
One thing I could always say through my difficulties as a teen in dealing with lust and dating was that my mom was always an objective sounding board in whom I confided. Even as I neared my twenties and was growing into an adult, she never approved of the things I did wrong but she was always there to bring truth, correction and love and did so in a way that made me want to do what was right. She never pushed me away but always pushed me toward Christ. Don't be afraid to be bold and frank in these discussions that will occur with your teens - because these are the questions they are asking, wanting to know answers to them. They are concerned with how they are to live and we need to answer their questions without hesitation or awkwardness.
Let me know if you have any questions regarding discussion night or the ones to come in the future.
